In the nearly 10 years I’ve been ruining food for everyone, starting from my former award-winning blog, The Pizzle(which I initially started to drive my food writing career off a cliff), I’ve never done a proper question and answer session.
And at this point, I’m sure all of you have plenty of things to ask me. Like mainly, “How are you still alive?”
So ask me anything: I’ll try to respond to all of you throughout the week. This ought to be good, so make sure you check back in on the conversation regularly.
[Also, that photo above was from when I got a new countertop oven and wanted to try baking a frozen pizza in it. If you believe in yourself enough, you can fail at anything, kids.]
Once when I was very very drunk I put a Home Run Inn pizza in the oven. I cooked it at 450 for 20 mins...upside down. It was like a hockey puck so I didn't notice which side was cheese. (See first sentence). It ruined my oven and the rack. I challenge you to fail harder than that. I believe in you.
If you could try cannibalism in a context where it was totally legal and consensual (according to the person’s will, for instance, or following a medical amputation), would you seriously consider it? And would your answer differ if a) it was your own leg, or b) it was lab-grown human meat?
Jan 25, 2023·edited Jan 25, 2023Liked by Dennis Lee
I had a small racist moment today! I'm pretty new to the sub and I love it. I followed you on instagram like a month ago, and you posted pictures of you hanging out with Kenji a couple of days ago eating pizza. I saw it and thought neat, what is Kenji up too (without actually reading the post)? Then I saw that you posted it and immediately I was like in my head "That's Dennis Lee you racist fuck, stereotyping all asian look a like, you need to pay better attention", cause I don't really know what you look like.... and then it was literally a picture you took of Kenji without you in the picture. Which made me feel better.
Has something from pop culture affected something you’ve eaten your whole life? For instance, the way I eat pancakes has been forever changed by the Amazon Prime series “Bosch”, of all things. Pour syrup on the plate then put the pancakes on top. No more dry bottom pancake. Anything like that, the more obscure the better?
Do you ever sing popular food-related songs to yourself as you cook, either these experiments or just your everyday? Like, I just sang a snippet of Adam Sandler’ as “Lunchlady Land” while prepping post-shift hot dogs because the buns are labeled as hoagie rolls.
Have you heard of or seen @_butter_dawg_ on Tiktok? He recently just posted a pizzle pretzel, otherwise known as "prizzle". https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpK6anR/
On a side note, my friends and I are college students and have been reading your posts on The Pizzle for the past week after disgusting dinners at the dining hall. They make for great bedtime stories. Just wanted to let you know I have not laughed this hard in months and seeing my friends enjoy your writing style makes the experience even better. Seriously, thank you for ruining food, it makes our night.
Have you ever thought about putting together a cookbook? I've seen lots of novelty cookbooks and they are mostly by and for cowards. They fake things, they half-ass things, they take "gross" ideas and make things that are actually palatable. The idea of a novelty cookbook that *isn't* full of such cowardice is something I at least would find very appealing - a book full of recipes that make me go "well I guess that is technically edible"
I really loved the "Tell me about your weird family recipe" issue and need more stories about Aunt Judith. (I also had an Aunt Judith but I think it was a different one, pretty sure they were different.)
What recipes from your family would you have submitted, if any?
Also did the IKEA people ever reach out? Because I still think about those IKEA bowls all the time.
Has anyone ever had a disproportionately angry reaction to your food? More than just, "This looks gross" or "It upsets me to look at this". I'm curious whether everyone is in on the jokes or if any readers are reading much too seriously.
Working in a restaurant, I sometimes have anxiety dreams about failing to do my job. Do you have anxiety dreams about finding a weird enough food? Have your dreams ever provided inspiration for food experiments? Are you dreaming right now?
What inspired you to do this blog? Literally why would you make Gatorade bread, etc.? (That's not even close to the grossest-seeming thing you've made, but Gatorade bread is how I first found this blog and it will never leave my brain. Gatorade. Bread. Bread made out of Gatorade.) I guess the question is more expansive than that, really: Why/how does your mind come up with these things? Did food personally hurt you as a child?
Do you ever feel compelled to take some of your weird-but-not-inedible monstrosities and edit then into weird-but-actually-this-is-delicious monstrosities?
Maybe im an irredemeable swamp goblin, but occassionally im like "you know, I'd eat it."
What is your recipe for real (Like a traditional wood fired pizza oven crust) pizza crust? Does it matter what flour is used? How long should the dough rest and raise?
I'm leaching off the '10 proteins together' comment - but I live for the blog entry on your 'unique' take on a 'Turducken Fusion Feast'. Feel free to use the most outlandish species. I reference the 'Acclimation Society
During the 19th Century, one Britain’s most notorious bon vivants was Oxford professor Francis “Frank” Butland. An advocate of the belief that man was entitled to dominion over “all of God’s creatures”, Butland made it his life’s mission to eat as many different animals as possible. Thus, the “Acclimation Society” was born. Meals featured, among other things, boiled porpoise head, roasted giraffe necks and rhino pie.'
Any insight on pizza without cheese? Is it still pizza or something else?
Once when I was very very drunk I put a Home Run Inn pizza in the oven. I cooked it at 450 for 20 mins...upside down. It was like a hockey puck so I didn't notice which side was cheese. (See first sentence). It ruined my oven and the rack. I challenge you to fail harder than that. I believe in you.
If you could try cannibalism in a context where it was totally legal and consensual (according to the person’s will, for instance, or following a medical amputation), would you seriously consider it? And would your answer differ if a) it was your own leg, or b) it was lab-grown human meat?
If you ever find yourself visiting the state of Texas in general, and Dallas in particular, will you look me up?
What is the best decision you've made in your entire life?
What videogames do you play, if any? What platform or service do you use, if you do (PC/computer, Steam/Epic)?
How would you say your sense of humor has developed / where did it come from?
I had a small racist moment today! I'm pretty new to the sub and I love it. I followed you on instagram like a month ago, and you posted pictures of you hanging out with Kenji a couple of days ago eating pizza. I saw it and thought neat, what is Kenji up too (without actually reading the post)? Then I saw that you posted it and immediately I was like in my head "That's Dennis Lee you racist fuck, stereotyping all asian look a like, you need to pay better attention", cause I don't really know what you look like.... and then it was literally a picture you took of Kenji without you in the picture. Which made me feel better.
Anyway, What's the most racist thing you've done?
Has something from pop culture affected something you’ve eaten your whole life? For instance, the way I eat pancakes has been forever changed by the Amazon Prime series “Bosch”, of all things. Pour syrup on the plate then put the pancakes on top. No more dry bottom pancake. Anything like that, the more obscure the better?
Anything you haven’t eaten yet but want to try? (Good or bad)
Have you ever been invited back to judge bacon? Have any other foods reached out to you and the gang for harsh but fair judgment?
He very politely didn’t answer me, so 12 is possibly the right one!
Do you ever sing popular food-related songs to yourself as you cook, either these experiments or just your everyday? Like, I just sang a snippet of Adam Sandler’ as “Lunchlady Land” while prepping post-shift hot dogs because the buns are labeled as hoagie rolls.
As a child did you ever eat weird shit for money or treats? If so, what? No shaming here, since I certainly did a bit.
Also has Davida, or anyone in your entourage, ever put the kibosh on ideas for FiS?
What is the biggest number you can think of?
(I actually got to ask the Dalai Lama this, so if your answer tallies with his, you may be special.)
Have you heard of or seen @_butter_dawg_ on Tiktok? He recently just posted a pizzle pretzel, otherwise known as "prizzle". https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpK6anR/
On a side note, my friends and I are college students and have been reading your posts on The Pizzle for the past week after disgusting dinners at the dining hall. They make for great bedtime stories. Just wanted to let you know I have not laughed this hard in months and seeing my friends enjoy your writing style makes the experience even better. Seriously, thank you for ruining food, it makes our night.
Do you play music while cooking? If yes, what kind gets your meat juices flowing?
What was your favorite and worst creation at Paulie gees?
Have you ever thought about putting together a cookbook? I've seen lots of novelty cookbooks and they are mostly by and for cowards. They fake things, they half-ass things, they take "gross" ideas and make things that are actually palatable. The idea of a novelty cookbook that *isn't* full of such cowardice is something I at least would find very appealing - a book full of recipes that make me go "well I guess that is technically edible"
What has been your proudest food-related moment in your life? The food-related moment you are the least proud of?
I really loved the "Tell me about your weird family recipe" issue and need more stories about Aunt Judith. (I also had an Aunt Judith but I think it was a different one, pretty sure they were different.)
What recipes from your family would you have submitted, if any?
Also did the IKEA people ever reach out? Because I still think about those IKEA bowls all the time.
Harvey and Mr. Bee are clearly astute appraisers of fine/not-so-fine cuisine. Where did they get their credentials?
Has anyone ever had a disproportionately angry reaction to your food? More than just, "This looks gross" or "It upsets me to look at this". I'm curious whether everyone is in on the jokes or if any readers are reading much too seriously.
Of all the monstrosities you've created, which was the worst to eat, and which was the best?
Working in a restaurant, I sometimes have anxiety dreams about failing to do my job. Do you have anxiety dreams about finding a weird enough food? Have your dreams ever provided inspiration for food experiments? Are you dreaming right now?
What do you think about lab grown meat? Are there any meat replacements you prefer over the original meat?
How do you feel about the rising popularity of TikTok and Instagram "shitty" recipe reviews.
Do you think you will make some of your creative recipes with fruit, like fresh pineapple? I think you would make a great pastry chef!
What are your favorite food-related books? (And will you ever write your own book?)
What's your least favorite ice cream flavor (barring, of course, your own concoctions)?
What inspired you to do this blog? Literally why would you make Gatorade bread, etc.? (That's not even close to the grossest-seeming thing you've made, but Gatorade bread is how I first found this blog and it will never leave my brain. Gatorade. Bread. Bread made out of Gatorade.) I guess the question is more expansive than that, really: Why/how does your mind come up with these things? Did food personally hurt you as a child?
What's your favorite anime?
Do you ever feel compelled to take some of your weird-but-not-inedible monstrosities and edit then into weird-but-actually-this-is-delicious monstrosities?
Maybe im an irredemeable swamp goblin, but occassionally im like "you know, I'd eat it."
What's the craziest/funniest thing you've ever googled for a recipe?
What is your recipe for real (Like a traditional wood fired pizza oven crust) pizza crust? Does it matter what flour is used? How long should the dough rest and raise?
Have you ever made something absurd on a dare/experiment/newsletter quest that ended up becoming a regular meal/household staple?
A genie shows up and offers you one wish. It can only be used on legal matters relating to food policy. What do you use this wish on?
What food safety limits do you take seriously?
Have you ever tried making a turducken?
I'm leaching off the '10 proteins together' comment - but I live for the blog entry on your 'unique' take on a 'Turducken Fusion Feast'. Feel free to use the most outlandish species. I reference the 'Acclimation Society
During the 19th Century, one Britain’s most notorious bon vivants was Oxford professor Francis “Frank” Butland. An advocate of the belief that man was entitled to dominion over “all of God’s creatures”, Butland made it his life’s mission to eat as many different animals as possible. Thus, the “Acclimation Society” was born. Meals featured, among other things, boiled porpoise head, roasted giraffe necks and rhino pie.'
Were you a picky eater as a kid? What did you refuse to eat?
Have you ever made something you initially tried for the newsletter a second time?
What are the first few videos that pop up when you go to YouTube?
Of all of your experiments, what turned out the worst taste-wise?
If you could do anything in the world (money and time no object), what would you do? Also, how did you and the lovely Davida meet?
What's the best thing you've stuck up your ass?
Hi Dennis! My question is: How are you feeling? I hope you are feeling pretty good, or even better!
There's a lot of vibes around matured meat. To which extent would you push the concept to make it even stupidier?
Can you cook something with proteins from more than 10 animals at the same time?
What keeps you going to continue this godforsaken concept