So after I wrote and scheduled the piece I kicked myself for forgetting to write a trifle joke. I'd planned it, but most of my shit is off the cuff, and you are 100% right. Part of the subtle visual gag was the trifle bit but I can count on you to see the details!
This is some strong work and this English person highly approves - HP brown sauce (only beaten by"Daddy's") and Heinz beans, in fact I was so excited and impressed I decided to leave you a little tidbit to make your 7 Layer Full English Dip Life (#DipLyfe!!) better.
Fried bread, my friend. It's the guiltiest part of a full English that even we don't talk about (even as we secretively smother the fried bread crust end with marmalade and stuff it into our ever-hungry maws), and will do your dip mad favours while sustaining texture and form through anything you can throw at it.
I say all this because I am completely certain you're going to cook this again. COMPLETELY.
The idea is that your bread (thick, white ideally as it crisps up better) fry in all that dark brown bacon goodness left in the pan when you're done with the meat. Another way to deal with not wasting that tasty taste is to cut your tomatoes in half and then fry them, cut-side down, in the bacon whatnot.
Re: arteries. Never more than 2 slices of fried bread and then, when you're done eating, drive to some enormous DIY store ("the sheds" B&Q, Homebase, even Ikea in a pinch) and walk those arteries clean(-ish) spending imaginary money on crap you don't need to finish a project you will never start. 2 hours later, return home feeling accomplished and then start on your mid-afternoon roast beef dinner with all the trimmings and followed by a hearty hot pudding.
BY THE WAY Remember that mad contraption you used to fill bananas and other long food with unlikely fillings?
Got one for my dog and use it to fill carrots with mushed up peas in the summer - which is now - which makes her absurdly happy and she said to say thank you.
All you. My brand of idiocy would never have thought of it without you.
I spend a lot of my time contemplating what could be filled with cheese using that thing. Current fave plan is replacing my son's toothpaste with cheese on a Tuesday night so when he gets up super-early for school on a Wednesday, I get the highest possible pay-off.
Heinz baked beans in the UK are spelled with a 'z' after a successful UK ad campaign slogan: Beanz Meanz Heinz'. They are officially less sweet than US ones - do yours have added molasses, perhaps? Ours don't.
So American-style beans overall do have molasses and brown sugar, probably some corn syrup for some cheaper brands. The Heinz Beanz I got are the real UK deal, imported, no molasses. I'm weirdly proud about this.
That means the price I got for them is actually remarkable. They are comparable to American prices.
Where are the hash browns?! You need more texture mate.
Heinz Beanz on the US have a lot more sugar than the UK counterparts. There is a decent copycat recipe on recipetineats that is closer to Brit style. I skip the catsup/tomato sauce and swap balsamic vinegar for cider vinegar. https://www.recipetineats.com/homemade-baked-beans-recipe-heinz/
You know, I thought about the hash browns, but from the versions I've had they were sort of that final optional thing. Not all plates seemed to come with them. I struggled with deciding on that part too, so I kept it pure.
That is so odd. I always thought they were a non-negotiable! So the Branston ones I didn't know about until another commenter mentioned them. I can't seem to get any until August (long shipping time) and they're hilariously twice as expensive! I will look up the recipe...once I run out of 10 more cans of Beanz.
That, my friend, is a Full English, 7-Layer Trifle.
So after I wrote and scheduled the piece I kicked myself for forgetting to write a trifle joke. I'd planned it, but most of my shit is off the cuff, and you are 100% right. Part of the subtle visual gag was the trifle bit but I can count on you to see the details!
This is some strong work and this English person highly approves - HP brown sauce (only beaten by"Daddy's") and Heinz beans, in fact I was so excited and impressed I decided to leave you a little tidbit to make your 7 Layer Full English Dip Life (#DipLyfe!!) better.
Fried bread, my friend. It's the guiltiest part of a full English that even we don't talk about (even as we secretively smother the fried bread crust end with marmalade and stuff it into our ever-hungry maws), and will do your dip mad favours while sustaining texture and form through anything you can throw at it.
I say all this because I am completely certain you're going to cook this again. COMPLETELY.
With transatlantic love x
Shit. Fried bread?! Like fried in the meat pan? Or buttered then fried in a pan separately?
Man...I am concerned about everyone's arteries over there. With our Transatlantic love sent to YOU.
The idea is that your bread (thick, white ideally as it crisps up better) fry in all that dark brown bacon goodness left in the pan when you're done with the meat. Another way to deal with not wasting that tasty taste is to cut your tomatoes in half and then fry them, cut-side down, in the bacon whatnot.
Re: arteries. Never more than 2 slices of fried bread and then, when you're done eating, drive to some enormous DIY store ("the sheds" B&Q, Homebase, even Ikea in a pinch) and walk those arteries clean(-ish) spending imaginary money on crap you don't need to finish a project you will never start. 2 hours later, return home feeling accomplished and then start on your mid-afternoon roast beef dinner with all the trimmings and followed by a hearty hot pudding.
BY THE WAY Remember that mad contraption you used to fill bananas and other long food with unlikely fillings?
Got one for my dog and use it to fill carrots with mushed up peas in the summer - which is now - which makes her absurdly happy and she said to say thank you.
LMFAO the BANANA LOCA!!! Incredible use for it!
All you. My brand of idiocy would never have thought of it without you.
I spend a lot of my time contemplating what could be filled with cheese using that thing. Current fave plan is replacing my son's toothpaste with cheese on a Tuesday night so when he gets up super-early for school on a Wednesday, I get the highest possible pay-off.
Defo doable.
I have decided to forgive you for the hard boiled eggs because you used HP sauce which is very correct
If you're gonna have the 'rrhea it might as well be explosive. You get a lot less sympathy for "gently trickling diarrhea"
This was so fun, thank you! I love refried beans on toast, kinda the same as pureed beans??
Fried bread - you cook it in the bacon drippings! It's disgusting, but also amazingly delicious.
Dispespecting Oakley wearing dudes from Naperville is not ok. They're not just in Schaumburg. Signed, St Charles
I'm sorry I'll toss Elgin in there too
Elgin is too scary for Naperville and Schaumburg
Shit it's because they wear Ray-Bans. I KNEW IT
Just to be clear, there was no 8th layer of Spotted Dick?
https://foodisstupid.substack.com/p/eggs-bananadicked
This is why I asked 😂
Sending you compassion for the anniversary and snickering at today's culinary hijinks.
Oh, and the frozen pizza for dinner--chef's kiss!
*runs away before the rotten tomatoes start flying*
when times are tough, I can always count on you to creatively nauseate me.
Heinz baked beans in the UK are spelled with a 'z' after a successful UK ad campaign slogan: Beanz Meanz Heinz'. They are officially less sweet than US ones - do yours have added molasses, perhaps? Ours don't.
So American-style beans overall do have molasses and brown sugar, probably some corn syrup for some cheaper brands. The Heinz Beanz I got are the real UK deal, imported, no molasses. I'm weirdly proud about this.
That means the price I got for them is actually remarkable. They are comparable to American prices.
Good grief! And with tariffs, too? 🤔 Maybe I should import them back into Blighty
Pointing out the obvious here but Heinz beans are extremely lackluster compared to the standard set by Branston. Don't fall for second rate beans.
I have never even heard of those. I just looked them up on Amazon and they are $17 for a 6-pack and would show up...in August. Incredible!
I wonder how English beans would work in a bean burrito?
Should I bring them to Taco Bell?
Yes!!!!
Of course.
Please don't write a follow up of all the bangers and mash that are going to come out of your butt. Just don't.
Well...it's all mash.
…banging into the toilet.
Creative idea! We were just reading James Dmitri's London Greasy Spoon Guide - https://jamesdimitri.co.uk/2025/05/27/london-greasy-spoon-guide/
Where are the hash browns?! You need more texture mate.
Heinz Beanz on the US have a lot more sugar than the UK counterparts. There is a decent copycat recipe on recipetineats that is closer to Brit style. I skip the catsup/tomato sauce and swap balsamic vinegar for cider vinegar. https://www.recipetineats.com/homemade-baked-beans-recipe-heinz/
More beans!
You know, I thought about the hash browns, but from the versions I've had they were sort of that final optional thing. Not all plates seemed to come with them. I struggled with deciding on that part too, so I kept it pure.
The Beanz I have are imported, by the way!
Black sausages are the one we most often have to add in the UK. Their triangle has browns are superior.
You have real Beanz! Time to try Branstons Beans. The recipe I linked is better than either.
That is so odd. I always thought they were a non-negotiable! So the Branston ones I didn't know about until another commenter mentioned them. I can't seem to get any until August (long shipping time) and they're hilariously twice as expensive! I will look up the recipe...once I run out of 10 more cans of Beanz.
Did you have diarrhea before or after this culinary masterpiece?
Yes.