A more cynical person than you might have made two newsletters out of this, one for eating and one for drinking, with the most horrifying behind the paywall. But which is more horrifying?
I was struck by a great/terrible idea the other day that immediately made me think of you! Basically it's trail mix, but everything hurts you. It's wasabi peas or peanuts, candied ginger, sour skittles (or some other sour candy), chilinut m&ms (or some other spicy chocolate), and salt and vinegar pretzels. I'm thinking of calling it Wail Mix (or Wail on the Trail Mix)!
"It’s like we tapped into the the secret stash of rare oak-casked shit that’s been buried in some dead estate-owner’s private cellar for decades, except that estate owner was a gamer and really into NASCAR." - Gold! Also - Davida telling you that you could run to the emergency room. So good.
-Monster energy has a pH of ~2.7 (https:// patientconnect365.com/Dental HealthTopics /Article/Energy_Drinks_and_Your_Teeth
_Should_You_Worry), which is quite acidic but not dangerous, except to your tooth enamel if consumed in large quantities.
-Rainbow sour belts contain malic acid (a common food additive as a potent acidifier and sour-flavor agent), citric acid (another common sour flavoring in pretty much everything) as well as ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C, used here mainly as a preservative). (https://candypros.com /products/sour-belts-bulk-rainbow)
-All of these acids when added to water would normally release their protons (H+ ions), thereby making the water solution more acidic. However, a chemical constant of these acids called the acid dissociation constant (pKa for short) indicates the pH of a solution at which acids are most likely to keep or release their protons. The pKa's* of these acids are higher (3.4, 3.1, and 4.2 for malic, citric, and ascorbic acids respectively) than the pH of the solution (2.7), which essentially means that the acids can't release their protons and all that acidic potential is trapped in the solid formulation of the candy.
-There's also some evidence that sugar decreases the solubility of acids in water solutions (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3411471/ only sorbic acid is discussed here but it's relatively structurally similar to the acids in discussion). The undoubtedly high sugar content of both the Monster and the candy therefore may contribute to the accounts of the sour crystals bubbling/floating on top of the solution instead of dissolving.
-Malic acid in particular is notorious for causing mouth irritation when eaten in high quantities.
-Thus, I can imagine that upon consuming the battery acid spaghetti, not only is the mix itself quite potently sweet/sour, but also the solid malic acid coming into direct contact with your mouth quickly becomes painful, and as the solution mixes with your (pH neutral) saliva the trapped acidity of the malic/citric/ascorbic acids is dumped into your mouth and esophagus, creating a sensation that I can only imagine is similar to consuming actual battery acid (pH = 0.8).
(*Each of these acids actually has multiple pKa's"
-Monster energy has a pH of ~2.7 (https:// patientconnect365.com/Dental HealthTopics /Article/Energy_Drinks_and_Your_Teeth
_Should_You_Worry), which is quite acidic but not dangerous, except to your tooth enamel if consumed in large quantities.
-Rainbow sour belts contain malic acid (a common food additive as a potent acidifier and sour-flavor agent), citric acid (another common sour flavoring in pretty much everything) as well as ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C, used here mainly as a preservative). (https://candypros.com /products/sour-belts-bulk-rainbow)
-All of these acids when added to water would normally release their protons (H+ ions), thereby making the water solution more acidic. However, a chemical constant of these acids called the acid dissociation constant (pKa for short) indicates the pH of a solution at which acids are most likely to keep or release their protons. The pKa's* of these acids are higher (3.4, 3.1, and 4.2 for malic, citric, and ascorbic acids respectively) than the pH of the solution (2.7), which essentially means that the acids can't release their protons and all that acidic potential is trapped in the solid formulation of the candy.
-There's also some evidence that sugar decreases the solubility of acids in water solutions (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3411471/ only sorbic acid is discussed here but it's relatively structurally similar to the acids in discussion). The undoubtedly high sugar content of both the Monster and the candy therefore may contribute to the accounts of the sour crystals bubbling/floating on top of the solution instead of dissolving.
-Malic acid in particular is notorious for causing mouth irritation when eaten in high quantities.
-Thus, I can imagine that upon consuming the battery acid spaghetti, not only is the mix itself quite potently sweet/sour, but also the solid malic acid coming into direct contact with your mouth quickly becomes painful, and as the solution mixes with your (pH neutral) saliva the trapped acidity of the malic/citric/ascorbic acids is dumped into your mouth and esophagus, creating a sensation that I can only imagine is similar to consuming actual battery acid (pH = 0.8).
(*Each of these acids actually has multiple pKa'scorresponding to number of protons they're able to donate, but really only the lowest pKa is useful here since once that one dissociates then all of the other ones are already dissociated too.)"
Just had an idea I may not be brave enough to make, so I'm hoping you will: savory pudding. Pudding but you use mac and cheese packet or ramen flavor packet. throw in nachos or uncooked ramen noodles and it's a trifle. come on!!!
Since it’s spaghetti I thought you were supposed to eat it? I never drank spaghetti. I still fully approve of what you’ve done, of course.
I don't think I can reply with a pic, but I ate the ribbons with chopsticks too. I ran out of space in the newsletter. 🤣
A more cynical person than you might have made two newsletters out of this, one for eating and one for drinking, with the most horrifying behind the paywall. But which is more horrifying?
Skum, foam, skin. So many great descriptions of weird shit floating on top of other shit in this post. Nice work. And good luck with the eye.
I was struck by a great/terrible idea the other day that immediately made me think of you! Basically it's trail mix, but everything hurts you. It's wasabi peas or peanuts, candied ginger, sour skittles (or some other sour candy), chilinut m&ms (or some other spicy chocolate), and salt and vinegar pretzels. I'm thinking of calling it Wail Mix (or Wail on the Trail Mix)!
I'm getting caught up looking at comments and we totally ended up doing something along these lines! Great minds think alike. https://foodisstupid.substack.com/p/pain-au-pain
I think I might love you. In a disgusted yet respectful way.
"It’s like we tapped into the the secret stash of rare oak-casked shit that’s been buried in some dead estate-owner’s private cellar for decades, except that estate owner was a gamer and really into NASCAR." - Gold! Also - Davida telling you that you could run to the emergency room. So good.
I MUST HAVE THE FORBIDDEN POWER SMOOTHIE!!!
Hope you feel better soon
This is a banger! Well done. So sorry about your ongoing eye troubles.
I am quoting from a tumbler user called rosespirit
He explains exactly why battery acid spaghetti has its bad reputation
"I keep seeing this post going around so, for folks who want to know why not, here's a chemist's hypothesis:
-Human saliva has an average pH of ~6.7
(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles /PMC3800408/), which is pretty neutral.
-Monster energy has a pH of ~2.7 (https:// patientconnect365.com/Dental HealthTopics /Article/Energy_Drinks_and_Your_Teeth
_Should_You_Worry), which is quite acidic but not dangerous, except to your tooth enamel if consumed in large quantities.
-Rainbow sour belts contain malic acid (a common food additive as a potent acidifier and sour-flavor agent), citric acid (another common sour flavoring in pretty much everything) as well as ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C, used here mainly as a preservative). (https://candypros.com /products/sour-belts-bulk-rainbow)
-All of these acids when added to water would normally release their protons (H+ ions), thereby making the water solution more acidic. However, a chemical constant of these acids called the acid dissociation constant (pKa for short) indicates the pH of a solution at which acids are most likely to keep or release their protons. The pKa's* of these acids are higher (3.4, 3.1, and 4.2 for malic, citric, and ascorbic acids respectively) than the pH of the solution (2.7), which essentially means that the acids can't release their protons and all that acidic potential is trapped in the solid formulation of the candy.
-There's also some evidence that sugar decreases the solubility of acids in water solutions (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3411471/ only sorbic acid is discussed here but it's relatively structurally similar to the acids in discussion). The undoubtedly high sugar content of both the Monster and the candy therefore may contribute to the accounts of the sour crystals bubbling/floating on top of the solution instead of dissolving.
-Malic acid in particular is notorious for causing mouth irritation when eaten in high quantities.
-Thus, I can imagine that upon consuming the battery acid spaghetti, not only is the mix itself quite potently sweet/sour, but also the solid malic acid coming into direct contact with your mouth quickly becomes painful, and as the solution mixes with your (pH neutral) saliva the trapped acidity of the malic/citric/ascorbic acids is dumped into your mouth and esophagus, creating a sensation that I can only imagine is similar to consuming actual battery acid (pH = 0.8).
(*Each of these acids actually has multiple pKa's"
I am qouting from a redditor tumbler user called rosespirit
He explains exactly why battery acid spaghetti has its bad reputation
"I keep seeing this post going around so, for folks who want to know why not, here's a chemist's hypothesis:
-Human saliva has an average pH of ~6.7
(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles /PMC3800408/), which is pretty neutral.
-Monster energy has a pH of ~2.7 (https:// patientconnect365.com/Dental HealthTopics /Article/Energy_Drinks_and_Your_Teeth
_Should_You_Worry), which is quite acidic but not dangerous, except to your tooth enamel if consumed in large quantities.
-Rainbow sour belts contain malic acid (a common food additive as a potent acidifier and sour-flavor agent), citric acid (another common sour flavoring in pretty much everything) as well as ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C, used here mainly as a preservative). (https://candypros.com /products/sour-belts-bulk-rainbow)
-All of these acids when added to water would normally release their protons (H+ ions), thereby making the water solution more acidic. However, a chemical constant of these acids called the acid dissociation constant (pKa for short) indicates the pH of a solution at which acids are most likely to keep or release their protons. The pKa's* of these acids are higher (3.4, 3.1, and 4.2 for malic, citric, and ascorbic acids respectively) than the pH of the solution (2.7), which essentially means that the acids can't release their protons and all that acidic potential is trapped in the solid formulation of the candy.
-There's also some evidence that sugar decreases the solubility of acids in water solutions (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3411471/ only sorbic acid is discussed here but it's relatively structurally similar to the acids in discussion). The undoubtedly high sugar content of both the Monster and the candy therefore may contribute to the accounts of the sour crystals bubbling/floating on top of the solution instead of dissolving.
-Malic acid in particular is notorious for causing mouth irritation when eaten in high quantities.
-Thus, I can imagine that upon consuming the battery acid spaghetti, not only is the mix itself quite potently sweet/sour, but also the solid malic acid coming into direct contact with your mouth quickly becomes painful, and as the solution mixes with your (pH neutral) saliva the trapped acidity of the malic/citric/ascorbic acids is dumped into your mouth and esophagus, creating a sensation that I can only imagine is similar to consuming actual battery acid (pH = 0.8).
(*Each of these acids actually has multiple pKa'scorresponding to number of protons they're able to donate, but really only the lowest pKa is useful here since once that one dissociates then all of the other ones are already dissociated too.)"
Keep going with absolute fire posts like this please.
Having eye trouble myself. Sending support.
Thank you. We got this.
maybe they can put some of this stuff in your eye while you're getting surgery. you'll probably get some x-men powers out of it
In the Capitol Wasteland, we called it “Jet”. Better keep some on hand.
And I daresay the concoctions look even more gross than… Jet was made from brahmin dung fumes? Ewwwww.
How's the mutant hunting going?
Just had an idea I may not be brave enough to make, so I'm hoping you will: savory pudding. Pudding but you use mac and cheese packet or ramen flavor packet. throw in nachos or uncooked ramen noodles and it's a trifle. come on!!!
I died at "You know, in order to unlock all of its nutrients."