This captures the incredible Midwesternness of tying yourself in knots trying to hide something from someone who could not give the slightest shit. I award it seven James Beards and half a Pulitzer.
You're Dannis Fucking Ree, the greatest food writer in the history of the universe, there's no need to hide your Olive Garden Breadstick/hot dog combo, eat it proudly in front of all the grandparents!
I went to Olive Garden for the first time as a 21 year old in college. My roommates were appalled I had never been. We ordered the cheapest thing on the menu + breadsticks, only ate the breadsticks, and then our leftovers went moldy in our fridge before we could finish them. 15/10 experience, never been back.
In the land of the (putting things up your) behind, the one-eyed man is king! Glad to have your shenanigans back in my Friday morning inbox, Dannis. This week's was a real thriller!
So glad you're back! On my travels I have seen some OBSCENITIES you need to know about, starting with Pizza Hut in Guatemala doing breakfast. If that's not bad enough, they think they can pull off chilaquiles. The mind boggles.
Beautiful photographs! I just wasted an hour of my life reading about "More of Jesus, Less of Me" and evangelical weight loss programs, so I feel my subscription has more than paid for itself.
In all seriousness, I hope you're able to find some answers and pain relief soon. Take care, we'll be reading whenever you do post!
Beethoven was completely deaf when he completed his 9th symphony, one of his greatest works. And in spite of your visual ailment and all of the uncertainty and the stress right now, you did this. Which makes you the "Beethoven of weird food writing". And conversely makes Beethoven the "Dennis Lee of composition and piano playing". I will update his Wikipedia page at once.
We don't have Olive Garden in Europe so I'm not sure what I'm missing. It looks pretty good, despite your review, I have to confess? In the spirit of embarrassing hotdog endeavors, I used to order 10-15 hotdogs from IKEA every year on a certain Dutch holiday (to overcome the writers block associated with having to write 3 personal-roast-poems very last minute - it's a complicated tradion). I'd have to take a cup to pump ketchup in that, which of course took hours while everybody in the store looked solely at me. Thank god I never had an employee remembered me.
This captures the incredible Midwesternness of tying yourself in knots trying to hide something from someone who could not give the slightest shit. I award it seven James Beards and half a Pulitzer.
You're Dannis Fucking Ree, the greatest food writer in the history of the universe, there's no need to hide your Olive Garden Breadstick/hot dog combo, eat it proudly in front of all the grandparents!
Also, hope you get better.
Dannis this was your tensest review to date. I felt every second of this Oceans 11 worthy caper.
This was drama, suspense, and delight in one newsletter. Please make this an audio episode!
I went to Olive Garden for the first time as a 21 year old in college. My roommates were appalled I had never been. We ordered the cheapest thing on the menu + breadsticks, only ate the breadsticks, and then our leftovers went moldy in our fridge before we could finish them. 15/10 experience, never been back.
In the land of the (putting things up your) behind, the one-eyed man is king! Glad to have your shenanigans back in my Friday morning inbox, Dannis. This week's was a real thriller!
So glad you're back! On my travels I have seen some OBSCENITIES you need to know about, starting with Pizza Hut in Guatemala doing breakfast. If that's not bad enough, they think they can pull off chilaquiles. The mind boggles.
Beautiful photographs! I just wasted an hour of my life reading about "More of Jesus, Less of Me" and evangelical weight loss programs, so I feel my subscription has more than paid for itself.
In all seriousness, I hope you're able to find some answers and pain relief soon. Take care, we'll be reading whenever you do post!
I once ordered 4 bags of breadsticks to go simply because there was an Olive Garden across the street. I ate them all and I still hate myself.
Olive garden is fantastic if it's the only Italian restaurant in town. Just my .02
Some good I Think You Should Leave crossover going on here, Tim Robinson would be proud. All for these shenanigans!
here’s the thing though, if a server had noticed what would they have done other than thought “that’s weird” and moved on to the next table lmao
Team OG Sneaky Wiener Distractions™️!
Beethoven was completely deaf when he completed his 9th symphony, one of his greatest works. And in spite of your visual ailment and all of the uncertainty and the stress right now, you did this. Which makes you the "Beethoven of weird food writing". And conversely makes Beethoven the "Dennis Lee of composition and piano playing". I will update his Wikipedia page at once.
Kudos, my friend. You belong to the ages now.
We don't have Olive Garden in Europe so I'm not sure what I'm missing. It looks pretty good, despite your review, I have to confess? In the spirit of embarrassing hotdog endeavors, I used to order 10-15 hotdogs from IKEA every year on a certain Dutch holiday (to overcome the writers block associated with having to write 3 personal-roast-poems very last minute - it's a complicated tradion). I'd have to take a cup to pump ketchup in that, which of course took hours while everybody in the store looked solely at me. Thank god I never had an employee remembered me.
And if The Man at OG tried to keep you down, you could've turned into your evil alter ego with the steak knife, Dennis McStabby.