The Monster Energy oyster shooter

cheers, dickholes

Hiya, clowns!

Hope the week has treated you all well. My birthday was this past Wednesday, and Davida and I celebrated my mortality milestone with some sashimi from my favorite Korean market. At some point in the next few weeks, we’re planning having a slightly more elaborate celebration, which means we’re going to the greatest dinner and a show on earth: Medieval Times.

That means we get to hang out with, that’s right, the King of Schaumburg, Illinois. And we get to watch horseys run around in circles while grown-ass dudes in full suits of armor beat the living shit out of each other. Anyway, I just turned 42.

Speaking of celebrations, today’s edition of the newsletter is a continuation of the worst food and drink pairings you guys could think of. There was one duo that caught my eye, specifically because of its liquid component.

That’s because reader @Andrew suggested I try, “Oysters rockefeller and monster nitro (room temperature). Per monster’s site it is: ‘citrus with a light & dry texture similar to fine champagne.’”

It’s not often you hear Monster Energy drink uttered in the same breath as the word “champagne.” But I did feel the need to tweak Andrew’s idea just a touch. Oysters Rockefeller is one thing, since it’s a rich dish (baked oysters topped with a mixture of butter, herbs, spinach, parmesan, and breadcrumbs) that’s delicious on its own. But I figured I should really lean into this seafood thing, which is why I’d like to offer you a round of shots.

Monster energy drink and raw oyster shooters, specifically.