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Niall P's avatar

Nice one Dannis, bet that board felt great going up your weirdly rectangular ass. Maybe if you get a taste for condiment boards after guac, you could consider a ranch, Nutella, baby food or any other goop-based technically-food board.

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Maddie's avatar

But actually, you COULD do an oil board. Think of the olive oil with toppings they give you for bread at fancy restaurants!

...oh god. I wonder if you could infuse oil with the circus peanuts.

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David's avatar

Niall P's comment rectangularityness of your anus also circus peanuts are truly repulsive. Dopamine. Byeeeeee

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MissFerrety's avatar

I feel like this is some desserty bullshit you'd see at a high-end restaurant if it started with frosting instead of butt-garine.

Speaking of kitchen islands covered in food... I have seen it. Not in person, but indeed via some clout-hungry "influencer". I believe it was reviewed by Jarvis Johnson on his YouTube channel. Imagine, an entire, bare kitchen island full of nachos, toppings poured on top in ungodly amounts. Pots of spaghetti with jars of sauce slopped on top. (Real examples, IIRC?) All likely trashed immediately afterward, as I can't imagine these people know enough folks who would be willing to actually consume such a monstrosity. So... you're not far off.

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Karen Brashears's avatar

That is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen! 😱😱😱

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Carol McCormick's avatar

Hmm. This post is sort of edible. Not what I was expecting. How about Alfredo Pasta made w coffee creamer instead of whipping cream? Hazelnut or Snickers or that lovely holiday flavor Chocolate Peppermint?

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Neurozach's avatar

I don’t know if it will thicken the same way cream does, but what about a mashed potato board with International Delights-flavored spuds or gravies or both?

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Neurozach's avatar

I am at once relieved and disappointed you didn’t do a Fabiolous I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter board, covering it with 70s Party Food-inspired diet items. As for cleanup, I always find that scraping and paper-toweling away as much of the oily substance as is possible first, then applying soap to the item and rubbing it in before adding water is the most effective. Your wooden board will probably absorb most of that oil, though, and will probably prolong its life.

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