Subscribers Only: Hard kimchi-flavored cabbage juice seltzer

I mean come on, how refreshing does that sound?

Happy Friday, clowns!

You know what I could really go for right now? That’s right, a really nasty seltzer from my brand new Sodastream. There’s nothing better than kicking back on my porch, watching the twitchy garbage-eating city squirrels in our backyard, and sippin’ on a mason jar full of vile liquid that I fixed for myself. If that doesn’t scream sum…