Listen up, clowns: It's story time, with Dannis Ree

who's up for some ASMR? just kidding

Hiya, clowns!

I’m going to try something new this week for paid subscribers—I’ve noticed that some Substack writers are doing something pretty fun these days, and it’s that they’re recording themselves reading their own pieces.

I originally caught wind of the idea from food writer Maggie Hennessy, who does so on her own newsletter, Little Words. Which you should all sign up for.

So I thought I’d join in on the storytelling fun too. At this point, I have probably around 200 full-length editions of the newsletter in the archives, if not significantly more, a fact I absolutely cannot wrap my head around.

That means I have a lot of stuff to read, and since the newsletter has been around for over four years now, I have the luxury to read anything I want. Want to listen to me read about the time I tried pulling a reverse Jesus by running wine through a water filter? How about listening to me talking about trying to foam mustard using an electronic soap dispenser?

The best part is, now I can add commentary as I go along. I can talk about the shit that didn’t fit into the newsletter, or recall my reaction to things like when we tried a sandwich that was designed to physically hurt us. I can already tell, this is gonna be fun.

This feature is going to be for paid subscribers—so if you’re not part of that crew yet, now’s your time to post up and join the cool kids.

Oh, and Davida will read some too. Her voice makes a cameo in this one.

“I think my voice is beautiful and sultry,” said Davida, upon listening to the one for this week.

So who the fuck is up for some cat food casserole?