48 Comments

You should have titled this "Prophylaxis of Evil"

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You can't protect the world from me

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I wouldn't dream of trying. You're the villain we need now (as opposed to the actual villains destroying the world)

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I am concerned about your microplastics consumption because I love you. But also this was great and I snort-laughed. Also hoping none of these were lubed.

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I think they were all lubed

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Woof

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My first thoughts as well!

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Great start to Valentines Day! I like the "pink slime" idea above. Noting that Davida and the gang were wise enough to avoid participation in this venture! (Happy normal Valentines Day to you & Davida)

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The gang say Happy Valentine's Day to you too!!!

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but the LUBRICANT

you ate lubricant sauce.

how much of the flavor is attributable to the LUBE

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Come over for dinner and find out

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*suggestive eyebrow wiggle and wink heavily implied*

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fucking hell Dennis

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the shadows cast by the not-kielbasa and the brat are really haunting

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This type of research deserves USAID funding

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It got cut

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Just like foreskin ....

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Thank you for providing an email subject that brought me laughter. Such a bright spot amongst headlines of the death of our democracy. Now I'll go read the piece and hope to laugh some more.

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You did not disappoint. The photography alone is Pulitzer worthy.

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Next: make your own hotdogs.

Squirt pink slime into the varied sized condoms and sous vide them.

(I totally just offered this so I could suggest squirting pink slime into a condom)

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Were the lube or latex additive in the flavors? This is partially a serious question, as I'm curious, but also I feel ridiculous asking it (though not as ridiculous as if I had eaten a hot dog cooked in a jimmy hat).

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I didn't actually taste any lube/rubbery flavors in anything. I guess my general thought process was since this stuff has a chance of getting inside people's intimate parts, a little bit of eating it wasn't like the worst thing? Anyway bye forever maybe!!!

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There’s a reason those sausages slid down so readily. And he’s already a lube connoisseur.

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i’m equally disgusted and intrigued

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So Dannis Ree picked up on something I noticed as well. The standard "Litl Smokies" are TERRIBLE. I think they changed the recipe a few years back. They just don't taste right. However, if you buy the BEEF litl smokies, they do taste delicious like they're supposed to. Also the beef ones are easier to cram up your ass.

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Are there any sous vide desserts? You could do one of those in a flavored condom.

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He could probably poach a pear or maybe make creme brûlée.

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If you ever walk in there with a limp the courtesy clerk (bag boy) will definitely side-eye you

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That was royally entertaining, thank you, Dennis. 😁

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Time for the next level, Dannis Ree.. use the condoms as sausage casings.

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