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Sir. I must tell you of my own ungodly forays into chocolate and hummus. Not from-scratch, appropriately ingrediented chocolate hummus. Hummus. With chocolate in it.

Very recently I was doing my grocery shopping online and there was a coupon for a strawberry and chocolate hummus snack set which I added to my order. Upon fulfillment, they did not have said snack pack, but I had already had my interest piqued. Some days later, I couldn't help myself and took some of the olive (!) flavored (and textured) hummus I'd gotten for more wholesome snacks and added cocoa powder and agave syrup to it then shmeared a big fat berry thru it... Not bad. Surprisingly not bad. The olivey tang was rather tempered by the deep cocoa bitterness and light agave sweetness. Would do in a pinch again. All well and good, but it turns out I have a history of defiling hummus.

Many years ago at one of my first jobs in Chicago (a startup that died shortly thereafter), I liked to bring in whatever I'd been working on in the kitchen. I'd recently stocked up for a big ol batch of hummus and asked my coworkers for suggestions on what flavors to make. I can't remember any of the sane ones because I had also recently brought in some chocolate cake, and naturally the genius minds running the outfit said, cake hummus. I obliged. Later that week I showed up with a stack of different hummus flavors, including regular plain hummus with a piece of box-mix chocolate cake blended right on in. It was a hit. Mostly for the novelty, but the flavor really was not the worst thing ever.

TLDR: I am there with you in spirit, my friend, and genius recognizes genius. Respect.

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This actually seemed like tasty food writing, but then the chocolate came in.

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It's the missing lemon that would have tempered the garlic. There's chemistry n'stuff.

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Spoiled Old Daddy gives new meaning to the dish - Roasted Bull Penis

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Clearly any meal that starts with spoiled old daddy must end with spotted dick.

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