What happens when you run Pepto Bismol through a water filter?

and as a bonus, knockoff pedialyte

It’s Friday, clowns!

That means paid subscribers get an extra edition of the newsletter this week. As you probably figured by the subject line, it’s a continuation of the water filter shenanigans. While you guys sent me some pretty great suggestions, like using the leftover Carlo Rossi wine to make “asstrique” (thanks, Brian), along with coq a vin-a la Rossi (grazie, Blarg), and boeuf borigngigngaougoun (merci, Alex) a Facebook friend, Catherine, came up with a pretty good suggestion.

They suggested I run cough syrup through the goddamn ZeroWater filter.

At first, I thought, “That’s silly. If I do that, I’ll probably ruin the water pitcher. What a waste.” Then I realized that apparently, material goods mean nothing to me. Remember the time I blew out my brand new SodaStream in order to carbonate raw fish? That was like $80 immediately down the drain. I’m a dumbass.

“Look at me, free from the shackles of capitalism!” I say, loudly, as suddenly I realize all of you financially support this newsletter, along with my bad decisions.

[I love you guys.]

Cough syrup is delicious and everything, but it’s not entirely on brand for me. Almost every edition of the newsletter, I threaten to shove some form of food up my ass, because I find endless joy in deliberately decimating my own food writing career. It was clear that I would have to use a different kind of nectar for this part of the experiment, and obviously, it has to be Pepto Bismol.

Everyone, please thank Catherine for the great idea, and follow their cat at @winstonischill on Instagram.

Let’s rock.