Wake up and smell the cramen, dingus

then follow it up with a hot garlic buttered rum, numbnuts

Good morning, clowns!

We’ve made it through yet another week. Congratulations to you, and to our Keurig coffeemaker, which survived an attempt on its life when I tried brewing a Papa Johns Special Garlic dipping sauce cup in it.

But too bad, Keurig, time for round two.

In the last edition of the newsletter, I promised you a dish called “cramen,” which I determined would be a coffee and instant ramen hybrid, brewed through the K-cup machine.

But a few of you asked for something else after that: hot garlic buttered rum.

Loaded Gnocchi @AbsoluteJiggs

@FartSandwich @PapaJohns @Keurig Buttered rum is a thing. I'm dreaming of hot garlic buttered rum. Maybe a rim of Parmesan, sprinkle of chili flakes.

I am merely your vessel for “shit you think is funny, but wouldn’t dare try on your own,” so I took it upon myself to turn your dreams…into reality.

So today’s a two-fer, and dearest subscribers, you’re getting both cramen and hot garlic buttered rum. Thank you for your support, my beloved payasos.