The red, white, and brown bomb pop

if we all feel like shit, might as well take one

Hello, clowns!

When I put out the call for donations for Chicago Abortion Fund on Monday, I assumed I’d raise a respectable few hundred dollars. As of right now, we’re right around $1,500, and it hasn’t even been a full week. You are all fuckin’ amazing. Thank you for pitching in to someone’s healthcare treatment down the line, and welcome, new subscribers. You’re in for a real treat.

(If any of you haven’t heard from me regarding your account upgrades, let me know.)

Considering the country’s birthday, July 4th, is coming up next week, I figured we could turn this edition into a patriotic one. And what’s more patriotic than food?

One of my favorite summertime patriotic foods when I was a kid, was bomb pops. You know, those red white and blue popsicles that taste like red white and blue artificial flavoring. (Who cares what the flavors actually are, they’re delicious.) Fascinating that this sweet novelty is named after an armament meant to end human lives. That’s the first thing you should think of when you think of popsicles, mass destruction and death, not childish joy and summertime. Sorry to ruin bomb pops for you.

Since the country appears to be taking a big fat shit, we might as well too, which is why I’ve come up with an updated version of the bomb pop to reflect 2022’s current state of affairs. Everyone, please welcome: the all-probiotic Red, White, and Brown Bomb Pop.