The Minty Mindy, aka The York Peppermint Pattie Patty Melt

it's a mouthful in multiple ways

Happy Friday, clowns!

You fuckin’ did it. As your reward (or your punishment, you decide), you get to waste some time reading the newsletter today.

One of my secret goals is for Food is Stupid to be a blight on the workplace and cause a significant amount of financial damage to the economy, as you read it and goof the fuck off. It’s like a little you time, you know? Down with capitalism! (Oh, Dannis. You’re a cultural revolutionary.)

As promised, I’ve come up with the York Peppermint Pattie Patty Melt, which takes the York Peppermint Pattie Melt to the next astonishing level by incorporating actual beef. But guess what? It’s a full-on recipe today, something you can keep in your inbox, cherish forever, and never make.

We’ll call this the Minty Mindy, the spiritual cousin to Minneapolis’ famous cheese-stuffed Jucy Lucy, because this is a patty melt stuffed with a York Peppermint Pattie. That clever name comes from my friend Jacob, so everyone please give him a round of applause.

Now, you may wonder if developing such a recipe is difficult. The answer is yes. Sometimes as you’re cooking, you develop “issues.”

I’ve been interested in learning how to use the broiler at home, since it’s a part of the oven I don’t really explore very often. But my attempt at cooking the burger patty using the broiler was an absolute disaster, as you can see above. The top half of the burger contracted while cooking, as meat does when exposed to heat, and the burger basically ripped itself open, leaving its guts disturbingly exposed, but hey, at least I got this gnarly photo out of it. We will not be using a broiler to make this recipe.

All right: Who’s hungry?