Subscribers only: Can you char hot dogs in the microwave?

i can't stress enough how bad this apartment smells for the second time this week

Happy Friday, dear subscriber clowns!

Apparently I am not capable of learning lessons, because for the second time this week, the apartment reeks badly of smoke. All because of the newsletter. Well, while I loudly blame the newsletter, I’m the dickhole that writes it, so I technically may be directly responsible for this.

You’d think that after trying to make toast in my microwave and possibly nearly setting it on fire, I would have reconsidered repeating my actions, but guess again. I thought that by the time I turned 40, like I did this year, I assumed I would have learned many wise things about the world, but I appear to have regressed.

I hilariously also thought I’d be rich.

Look at me now, clowns! You should all be jealous of me as I try not to cry myself to sleep every night.

As I mentioned in the last edition of the newsletter, I wanted to continue my experimentation with the Hot Pocket crisping sleeves by trying to char hot dogs in one.

There is a bonus this week, which is a hard lesson in preventability, too.