Shotgun chicken

marry me chicken... in a fucking hurry

Hi, clowns!

I’m still scraping the taste of that Cinnamon Toast Crunch bacon out of my mouth from last week. Hormel has not called to apologize, nor has Hellman’s sent me a fat check for my Cinnamayo™ concept. Nobody understands the depths of my genius, except for all of you guys, obviously.

Today’s newsletter tackles a totally different subject, however, and that’s putting a quirky spin on an already popular recipe. This whole idea started one night as I was sitting on the couch, fucking around on my phone, when a video clip from Food and Wine showed up in my feed.

foodandwine

A post shared by @foodandwine

The recipe Food and Wine had posted was a twist on one with a twee name that was all over social media for months, called “Marry Me Chicken.”

I am sure that many of you have heard of Marry Me Chicken by now, because it went viral in 2016 thanks to the original recipe by Delish, and the New York Times’ adapted version would go on to become the newspaper’s top recipe of 2023. It’s called “Marry Me Chicken” because it’s said that if someone makes it for you, you’ll instantaneously want to marry them. How adorable.

But you know, it’s one thing to go through the process of cooking someone Marry Me Chicken and go through the formal process of getting married afterwards, which can take months of planning. But what happens if you’re in a dire situation? Like, what if you suddenly find out there’s a baby involved, and you want to have a shotgun wedding so all of your really annoying family doesn’t put the baby timeline together and talk shit behind your back? Ugh, I know, right? Family.

So I thought, if time is of the essence, you are not going to want to run out to the store to buy all the things needed for Marry Me Chicken. It might be wiser to try and legally snare your lover with a shortcut pantry version. Besides, if Food and Wine can post more takes on this nearly 10-year-old recipe, that means I, Dannis Ree, the greatest food writer in all of history, can take this dead horse, continue to beat it with a shovel, and see how many more likes I can wring from its rotting corpse.

That last sentence might have been a little much. Ahem. Let’s try again.

Considering a shotgun wedding? Try proposing with this Shotgun Chicken!