Poopourri masala chai

sippin' on poo

Hi, clowns!

Sorry for the unexpected break in programming. I had a nasty allergic reaction to an eye drop I’ve been taking (seriously, it was gross), which took me out of commission for a bit. After a bunch of doctor visits, it appears to be somewhat on the mend, so fingers and eyes crossed that I won’t be dealing with a painful and scary-looking eyelid for too much longer.

Today’s edition of Food is Stupid is a ton of fun, because there’s a bunch of crossover going on today. First off, this idea is a collaboration with my friend

Max Falkowitz

(formerly of Saveur and Serious Eats), who writes a Substack newsletter called Leafhopper. Leafhopper goes all-in about the subject of tea, which is fantastic, because when it comes to tea, all I know is “Lipton” and that “Captain Picard likes Earl Grey for some reason.”

Second of all, I’m doing a book giveaway! My friend Jesse Valenciana is coming out with a book on March 11th called Birrias: 65 Recipes from Traditional to Modern. 65 recipes involving birria?! Hell yes. Jesse’s a great cook and an incredible person, so I’ll tell you what, let’s bring my two pals together today (for the record, they have no idea I’m doing this).

Sign up to read Max’s newsletter (the free version counts), send me a screenshot via email or Substack, and I’ll put your name in a digital hat for a drawing for a copy of Jesse’s book. You have till noon next Friday, March 7th (let’s make it Chicago time, for my sake). If you’re already a reader of Leafhopper, just let me know, and I’ll add your name to the hat if you’re interested in the drawing for the book.

And in order to support Jesse’s book endeavor a little further, if you send me a screenshot of a preorder, I’ll give you a month’s full subscription to Food is Stupid, no strings attached. You get a car! You get a car! Everybody gets a fucking car!

So the idea of today’s piece actually goes back to *checks inbox* over a year ago, when Max asked me one very important question: “Want to collaborate on making the worst masala chai of all time?”

I mean, yeah.

That’s when Max followed up that question with, “I wonder if they make food safe potpourri to use as spices.” Turns out they do (I’ll get to that in a moment), but our busy lives ended up getting the better of us and we eventually put the conversation on hold until just a few weeks ago.

I brought the idea back up before my eye crusted over, then Max took it one step further and sent me a link to the strangest tea I’ve ever seen.

That’s because it was made entirely out of bug poo.