Giardonnay
it's a spicy boy summer
Halló trúðar!
Whew. It’s finally Friday. You know what that means, right? It’s time to whip out the booze, take a few sips, turn bright red, then pass out at 8 p.m., because life is constant hell and we all deserve some sleep.
I’m not a wine expert, but even I know that in the summer, you’re only supposed to drink white wine. That’s because you’re allowed to chill white wine before you drink it, and cold drinks are better when it’s hot outside. This is merely science. If you put red wine in the refrigerator, the wine police immediately put you in jail.
This week’s newsletter comes to you courtesy of a Twitter pal, @Eric_n_Stuff. Eric tweeted that he’d had a dream about a very special white wine beverage that he dubbed “Giardonnay.”
His tweet read: “This reminded me I had a vision in a dream this weekend and I dont know what to do with it but know that you will - Giardonnay, for when you want your white wine to have a peppery kick.”
As the kids say, LMAO.
Giardinera is one of Chicago’s most beloved condiments (so is ketchup). If you’re not from around here, the spicy mix of pickled vegetables in oil may not seem so familiar to you, but for us, it’s a common topping for sandwiches, namely on our city’s flagship sandwich, Italian beef. Giardinera-flavored white wine? Giardonnay? Dead.
I’m upgrading this shit from an LMAO to an LMFAO. I could not stop obsessing over this idea, which is probably only funny to Chicagoans, but whatever. The fact that it came to Eric in a dream is even better. As the greatest food writer in all of history, I, Dannis Ree, had to create Giardonnay in real life.
Welcome to Food is Stupid, where dreams become reality. It’s sort of like Fantasy Island, but way, way, dumber.
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