Crustables

let's make them two ways

Hello, clowns!

Today’s subscriber edition is decidedly less X-rated than the previous one, which I admit got a little bit rowdy. Hey, it’s not my fault that someone decided it was a good idea to add a really awful grape flavor to water-based lubricant! If something is technically edible, you know I’m going to try doing something vulgar with it on my newsletter.

Having considered the concept of Uncrustables much longer than most average humans can expect to during their own lifetimes, I continued to ask myself, “Why do people hate the crust on bread so much? They act like it’s made of poison.”

But then I realized something dark about myself. I am going to tell you guys something that is a secret, one that you can never reveal to anyone.