Hello! My name is Dennis. I write about food, then ruin it. Here is a cool picture of me wearing a cool propeller hat my fiancée, Davida, bought me.
I have a blog called The Pizzle. The blog contains a lot of insane material that took me a very long time to write about. But why would I start this when I already have a website of my own?
This is because there is always something very stupid or strange that happens, related to food, nearly every day, like this very, very, interesting story with a very, very, good headline: A Florida man found a grenade while fishing and then took the explosive to Taco Bell. Substack lets me send you garbage, even faster. Right into your email hole.
Also, the Substack platform lets you charge people a subscription fee if they really want to keep up with whatever very important content you are writing about. Most of my pieces will be free, but the ones that involve the most effort are the ones where I try cooking something and do a very bad job at it. What a pain in the ass.
So, say, if you suggest I top an insane pizza with ingredients I can reasonably get, who knows? I might just make it for you. Like this Arby’s one:
Wait. That one actually turned out pretty good.
The Chicago-Style Hot Dog Terrine, that one was…that one was pretty messed up.
If you’re really curious to see me try something new, you know. I’ll be choosing recipes from the comment section and cook things just for you. Yes, you, specifically.
In the meantime, tell your friends! Actually, tell your enemies.
This is good. There’s literally just a button on the editor that lets me add “Subscribe Now” buttons wherever I feel like it. Now I can get really annoying.
That’s a good button too.
Also the reason why that subscribe button is brown is because a lot of food is brown.
This is Harvey. He is not food. Also, he is not brown.