Clamchos

the penis clam is the gift that keeps on giving

Hi, clowns!

First off, thank you all for banding together and assisting The Onion Union last week by filling out the form letter. We could feel every bit of your support, and that meant a ton to us all, especially since we were feeling so worn out.

And guess what? It fucking worked. We reached a tentative agreement on a new union contract. As much as I would have loved to temporarily change my job title to “Greatest Strike Captain in All of History,” (I got training and everything) I’m glad it didn’t come to that.

You clowns are the best. I don’t know what to say, except that there’s more penis clam content coming your way today. Put on your party hats, because it’s a true celebration, dickholes!

This week’s edition of the newsletter is a continuation of last week’s clam dog experiment, which involved some really gnarly prep work. Cleaning regular clams is one thing, but dismantling a massive bivalve shaped like a dong is another. Then there was that whole thing about dipping it into corn batter, then deep frying it.