Can you repair a dismembered chicken?

this could have gone one of two ways

Hello, clowns!

Hope you all liked reading about Davida’s foray into one-star ramen lasagna. It wasn’t as bizarre as we’d expected (more like hoped). Who knew that a weird cheesed-up tomato cream and ham noodle stack would have been pretty decent?

[Yes, that was certainly a combination of words.]

For this week’s paid subscriber’s edition of the newsletter, however, I’m jumping briefly back to the Surf and Turfuckit Frankenstein meat monster I made the other week. If you recall, I glued four types of meat together using a substance called transglutaminase (the brand was called “Moo Glue”), to create morsels of a creature that does not exist. It was quite a strange bite of food and I still have unresolved emotions about it.

In the weeks after, I subsequently received a fair amount of requests to “glue a chicken back together.”

A Facebook friend of mine, Daniel (who writes for this site, Sneer Campaign, on occasion), said “Chicken Repair will be the next food craze, like those Popeye's chicken sandwiches.” I immediately busted out laughing at this idea. I mean, someone dismantled this chicken for a reason and here you all are, trying to get me to reverse their hard work.

I regret not keeping the asphalt-filled chicken carcass I ran over with my 2009 Toyota Camry for today’s newsletter, but that past version of me did not know that the future version of me would be attempting to fix a dismembered chicken. Dear God, the shit that happens in our kitchen.