Hi, clowns!
Thank you all for the well-wishes last week! Not only are Davida and I still in the afterglow of our wedding (neither of us have ever felt so loved), but we also celebrated the fourth anniversary of Food is Stupid.
I raised a glass of Jordan almond milk to all of you, and immediately regretted it. Who could have possibly predicted that making nut milk out of candy would be so outrageously sweet?
So this week, I decided to go a more savory route by making Corn Nut milk. I can already hear snickering in the back of the class, and every single one of you are headed to detention.
Corn Nuts are great, because like Jordan almonds, you’re never quite sure if you’re crunching on them, or if those loud cracking noises are actually your teeth crumbling. But trust me, it’s not just you, people within a 200 mile radius can also hear you eating them. Try sneaking some Corn Nuts into a movie theater and start cracking on them during the quietest part of a serious movie, then tell us how many people turn around and ask you to get the fuck out.
I figured that making Corn Nut milk would be as simple as making regular nut milk. I’d simply soak the Corn Nuts in water overnight, blend them up in the most powerful blender known to man (thank you, refurbished Vitamix), and then squeeze the mash up through a fine-mesh nut milk bag.
But oh, ho, ho, even the best laid plans get kicked in the Corn Nuts sometimes, and in the end, I ended up dealing with something completely unexpected.
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