A recipe for popcorn shrimp scampi

movie theater edition

Hi, clowns!

Hope you’re all having a great week. As I sat down to write this, I heard a weird noise behind my chair and out of the corner of my eye, I saw our cat Sub-Zero scooting her ass frantically on the floor. Before I could start shouting, a turd popped out of her rear end and she galloped away.

What’s cool is that this was the second time this has happened today. Life is a rich streaky brown tapestry. Also, fuck.

Today I have a very special recipe for you: popcorn shrimp scampi.

If it isn’t obvious, this is a continuation from this week’s experiment where I tried to cook popcorn shrimp in a popcorn maker. I imagine your first guess based off the title is that this is shrimp scampi made with small breaded shrimp as opposed to the regular naked kind. But guess what, clowns, it’s not! I got you real good!

Instead, I pulled a molecular gastronomy stunt that will be talked about for decades. Chef Thomas Keller will call me, Grant Achatz will name me as his greatest inspiration, I’ll be asked to star in Ratatouille 2: Rat Poison, and I will win every single award. This is my destiny.

So what did I do?